YEE-HAW. It’s high noon in Gneeveguilla and the gun totin’ cowboys are getting itchy fingers for a big shootout as the bandwagons are due to start rollin’ in.
The local GAA club sheriff is rounding up a posse to cut the cattle rustlers off at the pass and the tension is reaching such heights that tumbleweed is the only thing moving on the streets.
From the rooftops tobacco chewin’ watchmen keep their narrowed eyes peeled on the dust trails leading to town but the horses tied to lampposts outside the GAA hall saloon doors indicate that there’s something serious about to occur.
The cowboys and their gals are preparing their best bib and tucker for the big barn dance planned for this Saturday night and it promises to be a night of tension, drama and thigh-slappin’ fun.
Those that arrive when the salon doors swing open as the clock strikes nine will be relieved of €10 in gold which the townsfolk want to spend on raising autism awareness at St Francis Special School in Beaufort.
So get those boots polished, put the spurs in place and take your partner by the hand to show their line-dancing skills with The Kelts ready to churn out the top country and western tunes.
And in the absence of a tension-filled shootout, the organisers are guaranteeing that at least some cowboys will experience real pain courtesy of the charity male waxing sideshow, with a mystery waxer set to ride into town to do the dastardly deed.
There will be spot prizes galore with tickets for a Munster ruby game with an autographed rugby ball up for grabs.
Y’all come now, hear?
